Modern Ten Commandments

I was recently asked what the Ten Commandments would say if they were written today. I suggested these:

  1. Thou shalt go to college and acquire at least a Bachelor’s degree.
  2. Thou shalt root for at least one sportsball team.
  3. Thou shalt drive a car.
  4. Thou shalt eat the flesh of animals.
  5. Thou shalt breed.
  6. Thou shalt worship babies, and mothers, and parents. With thy tax penalties shalt thou worship them.
  7. Thou shalt be monogamous, that thou mayst treat thy partner as property even while denying it.
  8. Thou shalt copyright everything, that thou mayst censor even while denying it.
  9. Thou shalt bank and use credit cards and organize thy days according to “work” and “bills”.
  10. Thou shalt not question any of these commandments, lest thou be some kind of radical freak.

4 comments to Modern Ten Commandments

  • Deena Sattler

    I just “discovered” you when someone sent me “Let my people go” which I thought was terrific. so i dug in and looked at more of your stuff.
    I don’t usually write to people and I don’t have facebook. but I felt I should tell you some things.
    As an Orthodox Jew who has been living in israel these past 46 years, originally from NY, I had a bit of a problem with “This Land is Mine” but laughed at it because it is done with such grace and humor. But it’s not funny.It’s unfortunately very true.
    You are amazing! So talented. I love the drawings, the details, the music (“the things we do for love” is so appropriate!). You are so knowledgeable about Torah and Judaism. Your Ten commandments are really good.
    Keep up the great work. Am I allowed to wish you a Happy Passover?
    Deena Sattler, Jerusalem, Israel.

  • Adriana

    According to this I’m going to hell.

  • Adriana

    No, I’m in hell already. You do get punished if you don’t follow these commandments.

  • Null

    Aren’t Jews kind of lax on #2, at least relative to other Americans? Arguably #3 if you consider the large NYC population.

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