A few days ago a TERF Sister and I were texting about being demonized by family members. Finally she wrote:
there’s endless assholes in the world and you know? I can just be one, if that’s how people gonna see me, then… fine, they CAN
and it’s fascinating just how much people do NOT want to hear that
(Ex-husband) definitely didn’t
and your brother doesn’t want to hear it either. They want to change you, they want you to feel you NEED to change because they’re mad or they disapprove or whatever
but fuck it
you think I’m an asshole? Okay. I CAN LIVE WITH THAT
Inspired by her, I resolved to Be More Asshole in 2025.
My new Asshole identity is working much better than my former identity of “Good Person.” A Good Person seeks to forgive. A Good Person, finding themselves in the path of an asshole, makes excuses like “they have their own struggles” or “there but for the grace of God go I.” But instead of giving me a warm sisterly feeling, my attempts to be Good only compound my hurt with a sense of spiritual inadequacy.
Now there’s nothing to forgive. People are assholes. They do whatever the hell they want with no consideration of me — or worse, targeting me as a scapegoat to relieve their own cognitive dissonance. Thank God I’m not above them or outside them anymore. For I, too, am an Asshole.
Asshole nature is human nature. We are born with it, it is integral to our being. At last I claim my human birthright and join my species.
Why the hell was I trying to be Good? Good People do the worst things. Good People project their shadows onto scapegoats and form mobs. Good People lie, appease, submit to authority, and crush the Truth in order to be liked and accepted. Because being liked and accepted is how you know you’re a Good Person. The worst crimes against Reality are performed by Good People, in their selfish, delusional, and fundamentally assholeic pursuit of being “good.” Just look at Democrats.
(I almost removed that jab at Democrats because it will offend many people I know. But you know what? I’m an Asshole!)
Perhaps I come to balance by embracing the dark. Those who embrace the light — faith, goodness — already have enough dark nature to serve as ballast. They are already assholes. Just as Doubt brings me to the same place as Faith, so being an Asshole brings me to the same place as being a Good Person. At this point I’d rather be an Asshole than a Good Person because I’ve never seen pure, unbridled, uncontrolled, contagious hate like Good Person hate.
But honestly, fuck my philosophizing. I don’t need to be Good anymore. I can just be me: an Asshole, as God intended. For we are created in God’s image, and if Scripture teaches us anything, it is that God is an Asshole.
I make a similar rant about people who are nice. Don’t let them affect your ability to be kind.
I don’t think you could be an asshole, even if you tried. You’re good, sorry.
You’re so nice, it hurts you when assholes don’t like you. To be good in this life, you also have to be tough as nails (just look at Hilary). Without embracing the dark, people can’t see what’s light, and we’re seeing the terrible ignorant things they do trying to fix what they don’t understand. If you can’t help them, they don’t need nice; leave them be and let reality sort them out.
Scripture also has the story of Shadrach Meshach and Abednego, about bowing to a false image. If you don’t mind a little relevant new testament, “Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.
If they change you, they win. Be you, be the best you. If assholes don’t like you, that’s them and they can fuck off.
But even if they do change you, and someday I hear you murdered someone or something, I’m still your fan for life, so they had it coming.