The Butthurt-Reaction Cycle

Reposted from Spinster, where I am a moderator, hence the “mod hat.”

Social Media, when it is working properly (which is increasingly seldom), will expose you to ideas and opinions you don’t like.

When you encounter them, you have choices. One is to mute or block. Another is to argue in good faith. Another is to take grave personal offense. I call the last, “butthurt.”

Some of the things that hurt our butts are intended to; that’s what the mute, block, and report buttons are for. But when an undisciplined person’s butt gets hurt online, they aim to hurt more butts. A butthurt individual is vulnerable and insecure; their instinct is to seek validation, to spread their butthurt so they can react to it without actually feeling it. This is how internet mobs are formed.

I call this the Butthurt-Reaction Cycle. It is why Social Media sucks.

The only way to break the Butthurt-Reaction Cycle is to NOT REACT. You must sit with the butthurt.

When someone is deliberately mischaracterizing what you say, do not react. When someone is attacking you, do not react.

If they are arguing in good faith, you can have an interesting discussion. But you know when it’s not good faith. And you can tell when they smell blood and start to form a mob. DO NOT REACT.

Any reaction from you is like a drug to them, inflaming their frenzy.

If you are feeling emotions like urgency, despair, or anger, step away from the computer for a few hours, days, or weeks.

Many of us need to express strong feelings somewhere; but don’t do it in public. Never try to reason with your offenders when you’re offended. Have a private chat with someone else, or go to an unrelated space. Writing just for yourself is good too.

In terms of communicating, consider what statement you made that people are supposedly angry about. Is it true, or at least honest? Is it clear? That’s usually the case. Online mobs are especially provoked by truth and clarity (example: “if a person has a penis he’s a man”).

If your instigating statement was neither true nor clear, you can clear it up later, after you’ve had a break and are no longer flooded with stress hormones. But the mob will be pressuring you to apologize for truth and clarity. Don’t do that. Let them rage. Their rage is on them.

TL;DR: Does your butt hurt? Go do something else until you feel better so you don’t make the Internet even more of a godforsaken cesspool than it already is.


Naming the New (to me) Bicycle

Recently my friend A. introduced me to her dog, Nell. 

“Same name as my vagina,” I said, citing an old social media meme that instructed the reader to “name your vagina after the last movie you saw.” At the time, the last movie I had seen was Nell:

My friend S. said the last movie she saw was “The Hustle” and we all laughed.

As of that conversation, the last movie I had seen was Shazam, on the plane home from France. Shazam would make an excellent vagina name, but I’m already attached to Nell. Like Nell, my vagina is almost impossible to understand unless you get to know her really, really well, and is probably better off without any more dicks in her life. Also, Jodie Foster is super hot.

But I do need to name my new (to me) bicycle, a used Lightning P-38 Voyager, and for this, Shazam is perfect. Shazam’s superhero costume is red with a lightning bolt; my new bike is red with the Lightning Cycle Dynamics logo:

Shazam transforms back and forth from a smallish mediocre kid to a big impressive stud; likewise my bike transforms from a compact collection of parts in a hard-shell case, into a strong impressive road recumbent.

Momo supervises the opening of the 26″ x 26″ x 12″ case. The rest of Shazam is still under the foam pad.
Assembly in progress. Lola tried to help by biting the ends of the cables.
Almost done! The only available reference was these videos, and the Voyager’s design has changed some since then. Fortunately, it was easy to find youtube videos of rear-derailleur-mounting, and other parts, such as the disc brakes, fit together like a puzzle. Bike mechanic-ing does not come naturally to me, but I’ve dealt with enough recumbents now to at least know that if I’m slow and patient, I can usually manage.
Success! I later installed the rear rack, which came with no diagrams or instructions and felt like it took almost as long as the whole bike. Then I rode her around the park. Shazam is the first short-wheelbase recumbent that has felt “natural” to me. As soon as I install a decent handlebar mirror, we’ll go on a longer ride. And if that works out, we may travel together overseas, which is the whole reason I bought her.

TERVen On Their Minds

Sung by Judy Handmaiden

My mind is clearer now.
At last all too well
I can see where we all soon will be.
If you strip away
The myth from the men,
You will see where we all soon will be.
They’ve started to believe
All that postmodern woo.
They really do believe
their genders could be true.
And all the rights you’ve won
Will soon be swept away.
Reality now matters less
Than the things they say.

Listen Woman I don’t like what I see.
All I ask is that you listen to me.
And remember, I’ve been the Left’s handmaiden all along.
You have set them all on fire
By saying sex is not attire.
And they hurt you when you show they’re wrong.

I remember when this whole thing began.
No talk of “cis” then, just woman and man.
And believe me, my admiration for you hasn’t died.
But every word you say today
Gets twisted ’round some other way.
And they hurt you when you show they’ve lied.

Internet, your female crones
should have stayed the great unknowns
Like her mother keeping house, serving her spouse.
Not complaining when oppressed
would have suited Woman best.
She’d have caused nobody harm; no one alarm.

Listen, Woman, do you care for your sex?
Don’t you see that their boot’s on our necks?
We are occupied; have you forgotten how put down we are?
I am frightened for the TERVes
For they have hit too many nerves.
And they’ll crush us if we go too far.
If we go too far

Listen, Woman, to the warning I give.
Please remember that I want us to live,
But it’s sad to see our chances weakening with every hour.
All your followers are blind
Too much TERVen on their minds.
It was beautiful, but now it’s sour.
Yes it’s all gone sour.

Listen, Woman, to the warning I give.
Please remember that I want us to live.
So c’mon, c’mon
She won’t listen to me
c’mon, listen to me
She won’t listen to me