Why I Don’t Use “Preferred Pronouns”

The short answer is I use SEX pronouns, not GENDER pronouns.

What activists call mis-gendering is in fact correct-sexing. What “preferred pronouns” demand is mis-sexing, which requires a lot of mental bandwidth.

Like most mammals, I can’t help but identify someone’s sex with +99% accuracy. (A tiny minority of humans intentionally “pass” as the opposite sex, and others are ambiguous. I know a few women who refuse to perform gender entirely, and that confuses some men. Women, I think, are better at identifying sex than men, either due to instinct or conditioning for survival, since males pose threats to us [physical overpowering, rape, impregnation] they don’t pose to other men.)

Pronoun activists are conditioning everyone around them for authoritarianism. That is, they are training everyone to override their own perceptions, and replace them with what they’re told. In order to signal loyalty, friends are required to publicly lie.

That is bad for individual mental health, and the health of the community.

It is crucial to have conscious awareness of our own perceptions. All of the great social catastrophes we are taught about – Naziism, Fascism, the Slave Trade – make us ask, “how could people DO that??” The answer is, BY DENYING THEIR OWN PERCEPTIONS. We lose our ability to resist or think when we deny the reality in front of our very eyes. No matter how well-intentioned, “preferred pronouns” condition exactly that.

Manage your own perceptions; you don’t get to control mine.

P.S. I don’t “correct” anyone for mis-sexing. If a man perceives himself a woman (or animal, or helicopter) I don’t deny him his own perception. If his friends call him “she” I don’t interfere. His friends, however, often aggressively police others, demanding they change their own perceptions. Everyone is free to identify however they wish, but they don’t get to control how others identify them.


7 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Use “Preferred Pronouns””

  1. Imagine thinking sex differences haven’t mattered throughout millennia of human history. Biology is irrelevant. These people are science-deniers.

  2. If somebody would want to impose on everybody to reject terms like “male” and “female” and always use gender neutral language, that would indeed may cause another catastrophic “-ism”. I agree.

    But if a person asks you to call her by another name (because for example she legally changed it) or another pronoun (for whatever reason), then not doing so is just being an asshole.

    In other words:

    People with gender identity issues are in great minority. Therefore it’s good and safe to assume gender based on our perception. If a person asks you to call her differently, I see no reason not to do so. But if someone wants you to never assume a gender of anybody else, I think that’s wrong.

    And now I think that you Nina and whoever you’re debating with are overreacting. Just calm down everybody, please.

  3. I pretty much agree; I don’t care what someone calls themselves or anyone else calls them, but imposing upon me (at pain of shaming or extreme anger) what language I’m supposed to use feels very wrong, and my contrarian nature kicks in at that point.

    I tend to strike a bit of a balance, however; in the presence of the person or their friends, I use their preferred form of address. Away from them, I use whatever referent *I* prefer.

  4. The use of “preferred pronoun” is the death of language. Language communicates what I SEE and BELIEVE. It has NOTHING to do with what you prefer. If I see you as a man or know that you are a man, I use “he”. If woman, “she”. “They” is for several people. I will not lie with my language.

  5. My pronouns are “I/ me” if I’m talking. If you talk to me, please kindly call me “you”.

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