Category: relationships

MK and Alex’s Wedding Ceremony

My friends MK and Alex asked me to officiate their October 27, 2023 Halloween-themed wedding in Houston, TX, and I was honored to oblige. Below is the ceremony I wrote for them.

ANNOUNCEMENTS
Welcome to MK and Alex’s wedding! Please silence your phones and devices and put them away. There’s a professional photographer here, you don’t need to take photos.

INTRODUCTION
My name is Nina Paley. I met MK and Alex just before a screening of my film Seder-Masochism in New York. The festival director had just whispered to me they’d gotten complaints about me being a “TERF”. As I wandered around in a familiar despair, a young woman introduced herself to me. “We love your work,” she said enthusiastically. And then, conspiratorially, “and also your ideas.” That perked me right up. Shortly after the screening we visited a vegan restaurant together. MK and Alex were still shell-shocked from the social implosion of the anarchist vegan co-op house they’d helped create. They were so smart, creative, and optimistic, I was utterly charmed by their tales of getting bashed up by idealism’s inevitable horrors. A year or two later they emailed me about their new women-centered feminist social media site, Spinster. I became a moderator, joined them on a visit to California, saw MK at the Michigan Framily Reunion, interviewed Alex and MK separately on the Heterodorx podcast, and otherwise follow them online. MK and Alex are a couple of brave and brilliant pioneers who have been through a lot together. Their relationship has already outlasted any of mine by a factor of at least two, so I am pleased to officiate their union.

INVOCATION
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and these witnesses and the spectre of disappointed Radical Feminism to join together MK and Alex in holy matrimony; which is either an honorable estate instituted of God, or the maintaining of women as chattel property in Patriarchy. Into this holy estate, or disgrace to women’s liberation, these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore, if anyone can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace – Radical Feminists excepted, they’ve already heard our arguments, Alex and MK really really REALLY want to get married anyway for some reason. Maybe they want to make babies? We know what causes that, talk to me after the ceremony and I can explain. 

READING
At this point in the ceremony it is traditional to read from the Apostle Paul, The first letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13: Love is patient, love is kind, blah blah etc.

Now I shall read from by Toerien and Williams, “In Knots: Dilemmas of a Feminist Couple Contemplating Marriage” page 434:“…marriage remains thoroughly tainted by being a long-standing buttress for the patriarchal domination of women.” 

DECLARATION OF INTENT
MK and Alex, you have come together this day so that God may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of this gathering, and the Patriarchy may further enforce oppressive gender norms. I ask you to state your intentions: Have you both come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? As if anyone has free choice uninfluenced by society? If so, answer by saying ‘I have.’ (I have.)

MK and Alex will now exchange vows. (Vows recited)

RING EXCHANGE
MK and Alex will now take off the rings they’ve been wearing for 6 months and pretend to exchange them, just as they will pretend the relationship they’ve been in for the last seven-and-a-half years will be consummated after this ceremony.

Alex, as you place the ring on MK’s finger, repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed.

MK, as you place the ring on Alex’s finger, repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed.

PRONOUNCEMENT
In so much as MK and Alex have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, having given and pledged their faith, each to the other; by the vestiges of disappointed Radical Feminism, I pronounce you Adult Human Female and Husband. 

You may kiss the groom. Or not; your body your choice!

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Social Media Discussion Questions

As I’m still (mostly) on hiatus from Twitter and Fecebook, I fantasize about having a real-life discussion group to talk about social media. Since I don’t have one, I’ll do what I always do: ask online, which is why I developed a social media dependence to begin with. Please answer as many or as few questions as you like.

  1. Have you ever changed someone else’s mind on social media? How?
  2. Have you ever gotten angry at someone on social media? Why?
  3. Do you have online friendships or relationships with people you’ve never met in real life?
  4. Has a conflict on social media affected you offline, in “real life”? How?
  5. Have you lost friendships over things said and done on social media?
  6. Have you ever been publicly shamed on social media? If so, please describe. If not, why not?
  7. Have you ever joined in a public shaming of someone else?
  8. Have you ever witnessed a social media public shaming? Did you say anything? Why or why not?
  9. Have you ever reported a tweet or post? Why? What happened?
  10. Have you ever been reported?
  11. Do you say things on social media you’re afraid to say in real life?
  12. Do you say things in real life you’re afraid to say on social media?
  13. Have you ever lied on social media? Why?
  14. Do you “like” things you don’t actually like, and refrain from “liking” things you do like? Why?
  15. Do you use social media for political activism? How?
  16. How would you stay in touch with your friends without social media?
  17. If your friends all jumped off a cliff on social media, would you do it too? (Answer: yes.)

Update: my answers are in the fifth comment below.

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