I’m heading to Russia in a few days for the Moscow Jewish Film Festival, for two screenings of my latest feature film, Седер-Мазохизм.

It’s been 3 decades since my single semester of adult-education introductory Russian, but I did find a handy Cyrillic-to-phonetic-English alphabet chart online:

At least I can try pronouncing a word or two. I’m privileged to practice on this:


Graham Linehan’s New Avatar

I suck at caricatures, but when Graham Linehan (Glinner on Twitter) asked me to draw him a new avatar, I did my best. Graham is a true ally to feminists, and although my depiction is hyperbolic, it’s also sincere.

I limit my social media use to 15 minutes total daily, so I seldom post on twitter or fecebook. I’d reconsider if they stopped banning people, especially people I most want to hear from, especially women. Graham himself wrote a nice Medium article in May on why he was leaving Twitter — then Medium banned him. Twitter hasn’t banned him yet, so he’s back there, fighting the good fight, metaphorical sword of righteousness aflame.

The full-size image. Drawn on paper, scanned, and colored in GIMP.
It’s funny because it’s TRUE!

Mike Nayna’s Evergreen Trilogy

Mike Nayna just released part 3 of his series about Evergreen State’s…I don’t know what to call it. Cults? Mobs? Cultural Revolution? Clusterfuck? Lord of the Flies? Whatever it is, it’s not just happening at Evergreen. My blacklisting is part of the same wave, so if you want to understand what’s happening to me, please watch these.


Hypervigilance and Social Media

Some of you may know I embarked on a social media fast a few months ago. A big part of my recovery has been writing by hand. I am gradually transcribing those pearls of wisdom gleaned from my notebooks, but it’s taking a while. Jumping ahead of my backlog, here is today’s entry, hopefully to be collected with the rest into a treatise tentatively titled Death on Mount Ladyfeels: Reflections of an Internet Scapegoat.

April 22

I doubled my daily social media allowance to 30 minutes, in order to promote the May 8 Seder-Masochism screening at the Virginia, and already my addiction is more active. I made an event page on fecebook with fliers and links to the GoFundMe. I posted these on my timeline as well. Of course there are comments and “reactions.” Of course I’m vigilant for counter-reactions: denunciations, protest organizing. Those will take a few days, although I already screen-capped my first denunciation on Twitter, calling out the Virginia for promoting a right-wing white supremacist (that’s what they think I am now).

My impulse is to check the internet to find out “what’s happening” — who is reacting to me, to my event, to my film; what are they saying, thinking, doing. They say abuse survivors are “hypervigilant”; it’s a symptom of PTSD. Certainly those being actively abused are. Social media supplies abuse and enables hypervigilance, everything a victim needs to trauma bond with technology. It’s perfect for compulsively monitoring your abusers. Every social subtlety is significant, a cue and a clue to your safety, who will come to your aid and who will betray or condemn you, as Robin Dunbar elaborated in Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language. We constantly need to know where we rank in the hierarchy, who our allies and enemies are, and how those alliances shift. We need not only keep track of our friends and enemies, but our friends’ friends and enemies, and our enemies’ enemies and friends. For this, the human brain was designed; language evolved merely to keep better track of ever-shifting ranks, alliances, and enmities, according to Dunbar. No wonder fecebook is so addictive.