Is There A Doctor In The House?

Note: updated below
I NEED HELP. I have an orange-sized fibroid in my cervix, among other problems. The local hospital system is dysfunctional and corrupt – doctors don’t communicate with each other, or with patients (it is, however, one of the most PROFITABLE systems in the country! Isn’t that nice). My so-called “primary care physician” hasn’t seen me in 3 years, though not for lack of trying on my part. I visited the emergency room in great pain last year and since then have gotten bumped from specialist to specialist, and then dropped – it took 4 months to get a referral from the useless rheumatologist for the gynecologist, because someone somewhere dropped the ball and didn’t feel like it was important. Surgery that was supposed to happen this month or next, now won’t even start to be scheduled until July. Maybe. Every time Carle says they’ll do something by a certain time, they don’t – like I said, they took 4 months for a simple referral (and I had to get on their case to do anything about it at all). So even if I absolutely knew surgery was what I needed, there is an enormous trust problem at this point. Do I want these corrupt clowns cutting me?

A doctor in my family recommended someone at Loyola Medical Center who looked promising. So I called, and while they accept Medicaid, they don’t accept Medicaid managed by Meridian, which is what I have. So I called Illinois Medicaid and asked if I could switch to Molina, and they said no, I’m locked in until April of next year. So I called Meridian, who put me on hold for half an hour and then gave me numbers of nearby medical establishments which aren’t Carle. One of them was a disconnected number, the other, Kirby Med Center in Monticello, has no gynecologists at all. I called an affiliated gynecologist in Peoria, but his office is booked until at least July – and that would just be for an initial appointment.

What I REALLY want is a doctor that actually pays attention and can help me figure out what I should do. I won’t get that through my local med system. I probably won’t get that anywhere. But here’s my last-ditch effort before I resign myself to a life of pain and permanent celibacy (I can’t have sex without getting violently ill; celibacy is how I’ve been managing at all):

Are there any gynecologists among my fans? Any? I will travel to your state. I just want someone who will actually pay attention to my case. I am desperate.

Update 5-18: Due to help found through my cry of despair here & on fecebook, I have an appointment Monday with a gynecologist at SIU Med Center in Springfield IL. I was advised that teaching hospitals are eager for patients like me, and so far that seems to be the case. I called this morning, they were very helpful, and called back within 4 hours with said expedited consult appointment.

Then all I had to do was get my records released from Carle. Carle doesn’t accept emails for this (“they take too long,” they said on the phone). You have to visit their new vortex-of-evil administrative hell-plex on Staley road at Curtis, on the outside of town. Fortunately, SpecialManFriend(tm) was kind enough to take me there. I filled out the form, talked to the clerk, and came back after lunch. “Here are your records!” they said, handing me a big envelope. I almost walked off with it, but then decided to read through them first. Good thing, too – they’d neglected the most important, recent, and pertinent records of my MRI and ultrasound. They also neglected to include images, which I specifically requested. I politely asked for these things and they said, “oh, sorry, we’ll print those out now,” and “oh, ok, we’ll burn you a disc.” I’d be disgusted but I’m feeling too hopeful about getting a new doctor in a completely new, totally non-Carle system.

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The Angel of Pain

Angel O Pain 3 - Frame 0I needed something to visualize while I’m in pain. The Angel O’ Death is nice, but pain isn’t death; in many ways, it’s life. So this morning, I asked the Angel of Pain to show itself to me. And this is what I got.

Who is Producer X?

Astute observers of Seder-Masochism will notice one “Producer X” on the poster:

Poster_ProducerX

This is consistent with the film’s opening credits:

Moses_ProducerX_edit

and end credits:

Endcredit_ProducerX_edit

Why? Who? WTF?

I made Sita Sings the Blues almost entirely alone. That caused an unforeseen problem when it came time to send the film out into the world: I was usually the only person who could represent it at festivals. Other films have producers who aren’t also the director. Other films also have crews, staff, multiple executives, and money. As SSTB’s only executive, I couldn’t be everywhere at once. Often I couldn’t be anywhere at once, due to having a life that includes occasional crises. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I could send an actor like Reena Shah, or musician like Todd Michaelesen, or narrator like Aseem Chaabra, or sound designer Greg Sextro. But most of the time it meant there was no human being representing the film when it screened at film festivals.

I’m even more hermitic now, and made Seder-Masochism in splendid isolation in Central Illinois. This time I worked with no actors, narrators, or musicians. I did try recording some friends discussing Passover, but that experiment didn’t make it into the film. Greg Sextro is again doing the sound design, but we’re working remotely (he’s in New York).

I like working alone. But I don’t like going to film festivals alone. And sometimes, I can’t go at all.

Such as right now: in June, Seder-Masochism is having its world premiere at Annecy, but I have to stay in Illinois and get surgery. I have an orange-sized fibroid in my cervix, and finally get to have my uterus removed. (I’ve suffered a lifetime of debilitating periods, but was consistently instructed to just suck it up, buttercup; no doctor bothered looking for fibroids over the last 30 years in spite of my pain. But now that I’m almost menopausal, out it goes at last!)

Film festivals are “people” events, and having a human there helps bring attention to the film. The reason I want my film in festivals is to increase attention. The more attention, the better for the film, especially as a Free Culture project. So I want a producer with it at festivals.

Fortunately, Producer X has been with Seder-Masochism from the very beginning. After Sita’s festival years, I knew that credit would be built into my next film.

So who is Producer X?

Whoever I say it is.

She’ll see you in Annecy!

Seder-Masochism website and trailer

Behold sedermasochism.com!

And here’s the trailer:

Seder-Masochism Trailer April 2018 from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

Designing a Poster

SMPoster32_24x36 - Frame 56

So many iterations of this poster! This is version #32. A few earlier versions below:

SMPoster16_24x36 - Frame 108_2

SMPoster11 - Frame 23

L’Shana Haba’a

L’Shana Haba’a from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

Next year in Jerusalem!
Music: “L’shana Haba’a” performed by the Breslau Synagogue Chorus, c. 1998

L’Shana Haba’a from Nina Paley on Vimeo. Next year in Jerusalem! Music: “L’shana Haba’a” performed by the Breslau Synagogue Chorus, c.

Continue reading L’Shana Haba’a

Civilization

Continue reading Civilization

Plowman

Continue reading Plowman

God Is Male

God Is Male from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

Goddess x Patriarchy = Mary

Words by Connie Bryson & Nina Paley
Music composed by Nina Paley
Organ arranged and performed by Camille Goudeseune
Sung by Nina Paley

Want to record better vocals? Please do! Download the organ track at archive.org/details/godismaleorgantrack and record away.

Lyrics:

God is Male.
He’s old, he’s white.
His beard is long,
His asshole’s tight.
He watches everything you do,
and then He throws the Book at you.

Mighty father in the sky.
Mighty chromosomes XY.
Like the sons of Israel,
God’s a patriarchal male.

 

God Is Male from Nina Paley on Vimeo. Goddess x Patriarchy = Mary Words by Connie Bryson & Nina Paley Music composed by Nina Paley Organ arranged and

Continue reading God Is Male

The Birth of YHWH

The Birth of YHWH from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

Music: “Schopska Pesen” (Diaphonic Chant) performed by the Bulgarian State Radio & TV Female Vocal Choir, c 1987
“Used to Love Her” by Guns N’ Roses, c 1988

In a recent essay, I wrote:

God used to be female. All of Her attributes were taken over by the male God. Creation, fertility, vegetation, the bringing forth of food, life and death – all that was once the Goddess’s is now God’s. It’s like the male God put on Her clothes, and then “identified” as Her, and there’s no Goddess any more.

This short clip began as an attempt to illustrate that.

 

The Birth of YHWH from Nina

Continue reading The Birth of YHWH

Mother Earth

 

Continue reading Mother Earth

Paroles, Paroles (Words, Words)

Paroles Paroles from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

Directed, animated, designed, etc. by Nina Paley
Hebrew consultant: Aharon Varady
Subtitles to come once I figure out how to make them Subtitles on everything except the repeating end verses, because I manually typed my first ever SRT file at 5am

Song: Paroles, Paroles
Score: Gianni Ferrio
Lyrics: Leo Chiosso and Giancarlo Del Re
Vocals: Dalida (Goddess) & Alain Delon (God)
circa 1973

(song abridged by Nina Paley)

English translation:

Male/God: IT’S STRANGE
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE FOR ME TONIGHT
I LOOK AT YOU AS I DID THE FIRST TIME

Female/Goddess: MORE WORDS, ALWAYS WORDS
THE SAME WORDS

M: I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO TELL YOU

F: JUST  WORDS

M: BUT YOU ARE THAT BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY
THAT I WILL

Continue reading Paroles, Paroles (Words, Words)

Gender Colonialism

Last week I posted on fecebook “If a person has a penis he’s a man,” which led to my widespread denunciation as a “transphobe.” I’ve written about this before, and anyone paying attention should know better, but I nonetheless commented this:

No matter how many times I state that I have trans friends, was standing up for trans people before the current crop of MRA “transactivists” was even born, and continue to defend the human rights of trans people, people accuse me of the opposite. I tire of defending myself, and it makes no difference anyway. I hated seeing the trans movement get taken over by misogynistic men’s rights

Continue reading Gender Colonialism

You Gotta Believe

Why not believe in Her?

You Gotta Believe from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

 

In this episode of Seder-Masochism, Moses is confronted by the goddesses the Patriarchy is about to crush.

Directed animated etc. by Nina Paley (me)
Music: “You Gotta Believe” written by Norman Whitfield, sung by the Pointer Sisters, circa 1976
Free goddess gifs at blog.ninapaley.com/2018/01/01/24-free-goddess-gifs/

The lyrics are extremely clear in some places and hard to decipher in others. At two points the Pointer Sisters sing, “why don’t you let the Wilson Sisters set you free?”  Who are the Wilson Sisters? Does anyone know? Here are the lyrics I’m confident are accurate:

You gotta believe in something

Why not believe in me?

You gotta believe in something

Continue reading You Gotta Believe

Sphinx

This sphinx isn’t a goddess due to indeterminate femaleness. This sphinx also has indeterminate lion-ness, bird-ness, and human-ness. Xir is interspecies non-trinary.

This sphinx isn’t a goddess due to indeterminate femaleness. This sphinx also has indeterminate lion-ness, bird-ness, and human-ness. Xir is interspecies

Continue reading Sphinx